You don't have to tolerate people when you understand them

Posted by Mohammed Nazari on Thursday, March 27, 2014 Under: Logic First - Emotion Third

You don't have to tolerate people when you understand them

 Author: Mohammed Nazari

I left Iran for Dubai, UAE, in 1993. It was one of the best days of my life. I felt I was free, something that we take for granted in Canada. Most of the population in Dubai are foreign workers. It was very easy for me to find multiple Iranian friends as well as friends of any other nationality. Due to Dubai's multinational state most people were aware of other customs and habits.

 I arrived in Toronto June 19/1997. At the beginning of the summer, everywhere was green and beautiful weather. I was quite surprised since due to the movies I had seen, the image of Canada I had in mind, was cold winters, covered in snow.

 After one and a half month of being in Toronto I managed to find a job as a physical therapist in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. I felt really good about this since normally it takes months and years for professionals to be able to get the license and practice in their profession, if any. While I could pull this off in just one a half month. I took the first train possible and moved to Saskatoon, with no hesitation in mind.

 My boss at the time was nice enough to come and pick me up at sometime around 2 in the morning when the train arrived in Saskatoon. She let me stay with her and her family for two days before she helped me to find a temporary residence with another co worker and 3 weeks later found my first rental place. I was very surprised as to how nice people were. This was far from my expectations.

 Unfortunately this was just a honeymoon that did not last long. Soon after starting to work I faced multiple challenges. Although most of my colleagues were really nice people it seemed that they didn't understand me and vice versa. Those days not too many immigrants lived in Saskatoon.

 More than the language barrier, the cultural difference was the source of most of the misunderstandings. Few are below:


  • A colleague of mine called my son, one year old at the time "little monkey". I found this very offensive, since in my culture monkey is considered as a resemblance to Ugly.
  • When colleagues gave me a ride home, I invited them to come in and insisted, this is rather a polite and friendly thing to do in my culture, not knowing that these friends, male or female, found this a bit creepy. They waited for me to get in the house, a polite Canadian way, while I waited for them to leave before I got in, a polite Iranian way. As you can imagine this difference in culture caused a bit of time to be wasted.
  • When walking by strangers, out of politeness, they normally gave me a smile or said hi, when this was done by females I took this as if they found me attractive and were giving me a hint that they are interested. This was another reason for me to love Canada:) I was quite disappointed later on when I realized that it is just a Canadian version of politeness and being friendly. In Iran if a girl that you don't know gives you a smile, normally it means that they like you.
  • I was rather straight forward and due to my poor English at the time, I said what was in mind easily. They found this a bit rude while I thought of Canadians to be too polite to be honest. They expected me to get the hint and be able to “read between the lines”, while I had a hard time understanding what they meant nevertheless reading between the line. This caused that they thought of me as arrogant and at times talked rudely which caused me to be rude back, and.... A lot of frustration.
  • Due to my poor English, I repeated myself a few times to make sure I was understood while they expressed themselves in a subtle way that I never understood

 Due to this lack of understanding one another, I had to tolerate them and vice versa, The only challenge was that they outnumbered me, so in the eyes of majority I was wrong and they were right. This made me think of them as discriminating and racist, although discrimination and racism had very little to nothing to do with all this.

 Please read my other blog: What is the Penicillin for the social diseases? “I don’t know”

In : Logic First - Emotion Third 

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A Personal Journey (Speech)

Author: Mohammed Nazari

Please find the link to the YouTube videos below

Part 1:

                               Part 2:

  •  It is amazing, when you have a big "goal" in mind, most other big "problems" look like small "challenges"       
  • Education in Canada is more practical than in the east which is more theoretical. After all you can find the theory in books or online, without needing to go to school.

Reasons for my failure as an employee:

1. Higher Canadian standards and sensitivity level  

2. My defensive behavior    

  •  Blaming  your behavior or action does not mean blaming you as a person
  • One for all, All for one

3. Inability to be honest with my own feelings  

  • Pride that has no basis, doesn't allow you to be honest.

4.  Canadian are too polite to be honest   

  •  If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything
  • Read between the lines


  •  Knowledge of higher/different Canadian standards and simply following versus questioning them
  •  Longer orientation
  •  Welcoming comments and asking for further explanation versus defending our self
  • Being honest with our feelings and abilities:

o   Acknowledging your weakness is a sign of honesty and makes you stronger.

  • Asking versus commenting:

o   Don't assume, ask question

o   Don't comment, ask question

o   Don't judge, ask question

o   When in doubt, ask question

o   When you think you know, ask questions to clarify

o Comments are not welcome, questions are

·         What kind of question?

1. Open ended and unbiased questions

2. Yes-No questions to clarify

When you have a car problem whom you ask for help? your Doctor, mother or mechanic.

Although this question seems silly, we make this mistake all the time, asking a professional question from people outside of that profession and building opinions.

  • Ask questions from the right person(s). The ones with proven success.


You will learn more from the successful people who can show you how to succeed.

Unsuccessful people can show you how not to fail the way they did.

 While the pathways to success are few, there are multiple pathways to fail.

Which one is easier and more effective to learn?

 Uncle Google and my cousin YouTube can help you with any questions.

Starting my own business

  •  In order to have a good society/business, good structure is more important than good people.
  •  The main sources of work/interpersonal problems are: communication and expectations.
  •  Interpersonal skills are not just talking nicely but much more importantly is to follow a structure and    framework, even if it is not the best structure.
  • Having a poor structure is better than having no structure

I would I would recommend that you ask my uncle and cousin, Google and YouTube, about the following:


  • Active listening
  •  Critical thinking
  • Yes-No question
  • Open ended question
  • how to be honest with oneself


After all My success and happiness depends on your success and happiness.

Let us make life better for all of us.